Wednesday, September 26, 2007

More than Services

OK, its Sukkot. That's the third holiday so far this year (Jewish of course.) And what activities has Aish in St. Louis done to attract newcomers at a time when Judaism is clearly elevated in the consciousness of our secular and disconnected brethren (and sisteren?) you ask? Why Learner's Services of course. Forgive me for questioning but is that really outreach? Isn't there so much more to the holidays than services???

Don't get me wrong. Learner's services are great for people who know they want services but don't want to go whole hog ( :@ - little kosher humor) for normal services. They do help elucidate things. But they're for people who know they want services. That's more than half the battle for outreach as far as I'm concerned. The real task is how to get people to actually be interested enough in Judaism to think they want to try a service, if they have never been to one, or it's been many many years and they don't bring back fond memories. I.e. how do you convince Jews that they want to be interested in Judaism in the first place? Especially when the idea of services brings back memories of boredom and confusion. This blogger thinks the key is to show them that there is more to Judaism than services in the first place. The Holidays, with their generally pleasant traditional observance and good food(we'll leave Yom Kippur out of it for now) are clearly the best time to do that. So what is Aish doing about that? Crickets: Chirp Chirp.

Now the Aish-associated synagogue is doing a Pizza Party in the Sukkah, mid-day Sunday with storeytellers and other little kid oriented stuff. And so once again Aish has decided that having activities for Jewish people who already have little Jewish kids is somehow going to prevent AssimilAishion. Well maybe it will in 20 years. Of course that ignores the fact that lots and lots of young Jewish adults are marrying out RIGHT NOW and not having little Jewish kids and aren't going to be at your Sukkah party. Apparently Aish thinks they can afford to skip a generation. Well, being a member of the generation they're apparently skipping, I tend to take offense. Why no evening Young Professionals Only Sukkah party (you can skip the storyteller) or something? Anything.

The assimilAishion problem continues to be low priority at the high holidays for Aish. Or so it seems.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

The Bitch is Back

Hey if she can call me a schmuck, payback's a bitch. Speaking of whom, she responded,"I'm sorry that you mistook Aish St. Louis for an on-going singles event. However, you're now in NYC, home to 2 million Jews. And plenty of "hip" Jewish singles events at that. And yet, you are marrying a non-Jew. That strikes me as a choice you've made, and not one you can blame on Aish St Louis or otherwise. I think it's pretty clear that Aish St. Louis targets an older demographic and one that is usually married. I think it's a mistake, but their claim is that is the group they are successful with. I also cut Aish a huge amount of slack for not doing much for the past year or so. E*****'s been a bit caught up with his two brain injured kids. I would also point out that your conjecture about the scope of classes from looking at the Aish website is pretty silly and bears no resemblance to what's going on there. I'm still confused about what the house has to do with anything. You seem to miss my point about halacha and converts. They are not going to set someone who hasn't converted up with a Jew. Aish rabbis are committed to halacha, even if their students are not. I still fail to see where you have an issue. As for Aish International, they seem to be aware of you and your complaints. It's not that they don't care. It's that they don't agree with you. You are obviously articulate and we already knew you were intelligent. This just seems like a colossal waste of your talents. And yes, vindictive. I really do wish that I could figure out what it is that you are trying to accomplish, other than smear the name of Aish St. Louis and International. Take care,C**** W*****

To which Yours Truly responded: I mistook no such thing. Aish tries to portray itself as being interested in Jews marrying Jews on their web sites, and in their literature. I admire the way you try to change the subject, ie you started by claiming that Aish was responsible for a lot of marriages, but when you realized you were wrong, claimed Aish isn't a singles group. No, it isn't, but when it is marketing to marriage-minded people it'd better realize that that's a part of outreach or it will have the sorry record it does on BT marriages. The blog is back, and better than ever, with the help of another St. Louis Aisher who agrees with me. If you have comments , post them there, where I will debate you publically and show the weakness of your position. By the way, feel free to call me a schmuck again publicly, where I can show just what Aish rabbis and their rebitzens are made of.

And that ends out diatribe for today, although the rebitzen is always more than welcome to write back.

Further Adventures in Misinformation

When the facts got in the good Rebitzen's way she proceeded into name calling with the following effort:

Your comment was that you didn't know of more than one BT couple married in the past century. Would you like me to quote your blog for you? "In fact, I can only recall one getting married in St. Louis this century!" I named a few, I can name more. You want me to keep going? I thought I had made my point. And "since the house", even if it was true, what would that have to do with anything? Someone gave them a house that has sat empty (for lack of a salary to pay someone to live in it) and therefore they stopped setting people up? I don't get what A***** being a convert has to do with anything. She converted a few years ago, came back to St. Louis and got married to a guy she was set up with here. Your entire point is that no one is making any effort to marry singles off and that's simply not true. If you mean "she was off-limits before she converted", well, yeah. That's halacha. Sorry. Speed dating in St. Louis died a natural death, btw. You can only run a program with the same people showing up over and over before people stop showing up. Which is what happened. Could they have done a better job of recruiting new people to come? Maybe. But getting people to ANY program - Reform, Conservative, Orthodox, Married, Single - in St. Louis is a major challenge. Aish certainly hasn't cornered the market on that. As to G****** L*** leaving, you are mistaken. The issue was funding. I also have problems with the "revolving door" of rabbis here at Aish, but the problem is not conflict with E*****. I certainly don't agree with him on everything, nor does my husband but that's not why people leave. They leave b/c someone in their infinite wisdom has decided they will give 2 years worth of salary (and it's not a big one, trust me - I've lived off it) and after that time they guy has to raise their own salary. Most of them can't do it. The the same source will turn around and give 2 years worth of salary to yet another "korban", but will not continue funding the original guy. I think it's stupid to keep bring new rabbis here and unrealistic to expect someone to be able to raise their own salary after 2 years, but aish feels they have nothing to lose by taking advantage of the deal - and hence the revolving door. As to E*****, I'm not sure what you have against his real estate dealings. He draws no salary from aish (he might on paper, but trust me, it's been years since he got paid) and he has to support his family. So he deals in real estate on the side (not very successfully lately, I might add, as the market has really gone sour here). That's a problem? In your world if they draw a salary from aish, they're a leach and if they don't draw a salary, they are...? What? Self-supporting for one. And give the guy a break - his family has been practically destroyed, he's got 2 kids with brain injuries from the accident, he works three jobs. That is where I think the slander is really beneath you. So "J**", I'm really not sure what you are trying to accomplish. I agree with you that I think that the direction of programming of Aish St. Louis is targeting the wrong demographic. But I think your blog doesn't nothing to change that and just seems to be a personal vendetta. Not to mention that it is filled with inaccuracies and slander. Don't be a schmuck. C**** W*****

To which this schmuck responded:

This centruy meaning 2000 on up. No, I can't think of two Jews who met at Aish since the house was acquired who got married, nor did you name one. I can only think of one possibility since 2000, and I'm not sure, but I'm giving it the benefit of the doubt, because I don't know for sure that it doesn't qualify. The house has sat vacant for two years, but according to you the salary was there to pay a new rabbi, just not the one who had been there. My issue with the converting is very simple really. Outreach, as I understand it, is supposed to be geared to other Jews. If others want to join, that's great, but it's not encouraged. Therefore, the target demographic that I would think would concern Aish would be Jews looking to explore their roots, not potential converts. Further, to dismiss the off-limits issue as just being halacha might play better in Brooklyn than at Aish. Here, in the real world, when people just shrug and say that's halacha, people accept it as such, but then shouldn't be shocked when a strict interpretation of that halacha, coupled with a lack of outreach to bring in eligible to marry Jews, leads to intermarriage. You're right, most of the rabbis can't secure their own funding. Implicit in that is that some can, and one did. The tragedy to the Aish family is indeed wrenching. But before it happened, several people tried to alert Aish's central offices as to what was happening, or was not happening, in St. Louis, to no avail. Not one single guy I went to classes with at Aish is dating a Jewish woman. And most guys who are committed enough to go to classes would marry Jewish if that were feasible. In closing I have nothing personal against any Aish rabbis. If I were vengeful I might resent the outreach rabbi who is charged with helping Jews grow but doesn't do any outreach to speak of and then voices outrage when people interdate by saying that they will burn in hell and not be buried in a Jewish cemetary. That said, you'd better believe I resent the situation he has created.

Still No Aish St. Louis Baal Tshuva Marriages This Century

I had an interesting e-mail exchange with a former Aish St. Louis rebitzen who challenged the above claim. At the end, she had no choice but to concede her former organization's impotence, although she wasn't mature enough to do it openly. Here, now, for your viewing pleasure is a peak at the dialogue. Names have been redacted to protect the not-so-innocent.

I wasn't sure who was behind the blog, but it only took a bit of poking around to find out. I'm really not sure if I want to waste my time on this, but I like you so here goes...Yes, there have been many Aish BT weddings. Normal people, crazy people, the works. Guess who conceived of the shidduch between me (at the time an Aish St. Louis girl) and my husband? Rabbi G**********. Ok, ancient history. There was a wedding two weeks ago (A***** M***** and D****** R*******) and an engagement announced a few weeks ago (ok, honestly can't remember the woman's name, but she's been coming around for a few years and is marrying L**** F***). Or how about D**** and D**** R***? Also set up by Rabbi G. L*** and J** B*****? Set up by Aish rabbis. I'll be waiting for the mea culpa. As to your assumptions about why people left, you're just mistaken. The biggest issue is funding. I think you're a bright guy and I have had a lot of respect for you, but this blog is just - hmmm, what's the word? Beneath you? I guess that's two words. Esp. since much of what you are posting is slanderous and incorrect. I'm just surprised. C**** W*****

I responded thusly, "Hi C****,My comment was I cannot think of one BT couple who got married since the house was given at the end of 2005. I'm pretty sure your marriage was before the end of 2005. A*****'s a convert; I specified Ba'al Tshuva because otherwise when the potential convert comes to classes, she's off-limits. As far as L**** F*** and the mystery bride, that is in the future. Again, I made it very clear I was talking about marriages between the end of 2005 when the house came into Aish's possession, and today, August 28, 2007. I believe that both the R***'s and B*****'s were married before the house's acquisition, but if not I would suggest two BT marriages in an Aish community that serves 60,000 is not that impressive. As far as why rabbis left, I know one who had the funding and left because he butted heads with the senior rabbi's in terms of outreach techniques, or at least that's what he said. To whatever extent I implied that it was the major reason, mea culpa. But I think 33% still qualifies as a major reason, if not the major one.

To be continued.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Happy Holidays?

Aish was right. It is depressing to go to a holiday event and be the only single guy there. Speaking theoretically, I'd say it would be the same for a woman. If only there were an outreach organization whose job it is to actually find Jews who don't attend events and services and get them involved... What would that be like? If someone starts one let me know. I'd be willing to donate.

Sunday, September 2, 2007

More "helpful" Aish Suggestions

Cat , 8/21/2007 12:42:00 PM suggests she adopt a child instead of getting married. I believe this to be the Arkansas model of shiduchim.

Anonymous, 8/19/2007 3:22:00 PM suggests getting dogs, which I believe is the West Virginia method of shiduchim.

And finally, Anonymous, 8/20/2007 11:23:00 AM writes, " I too have paid for a matchmaker and never got matched up. Its a con to swindle vunerable people out of their money." I can't wait to see what she writes when Aish haTorah is through with her!

Friday, August 31, 2007

More Comments on Season of Isolation

Sam , 8/23/2007 9:32:00 PM quotes the New Testament. Apparently, just about anything goes, as long as you don't point out Aish's weaknesses.

Not to be outdone, Anonymous, 8/23/2007 8:59:00 AM quotes "Confucianism or another Eastern religion."

And finally (for now) Yehudis , 8/22/2007 9:17:00 PM asks, "Is it really the rabbis fault that she isn't married?" I can't answer for the author, but I can say that the "outreach" "rabbi's" who do precious little outreach won't be able to plead ignorance on Judgment Day.

Better than ever!

Better than ever! Here at Assimilaishion, that's not just an empty promise, that's our pledge to you, our dear readers, as we strive to make this blog a force for good in the world, or at least piss off some people who so royally deserve it. With that in mind, I had mocked a few comments at http://www.aish.com/dating/wisdom/Season_of_Isolation.asp, but now with the motto of never-ending improvement, I aspire to mock not only those comments I had previously, but additional ones! Life is good!

Mrs.Epstein , 8/28/2007 7:33:00 AM suggests, "Start inviting married couples and families to your home for a meal. You can cook and clean up." Because what can shake a single person who's not getting any out of the doldrums faster than becoming a more fortunate person's slave?

Anonymous, 8/27/2007 8:32:00 PM admonishes our writer to, "Stop only thinking about yourself," apparently blissfully unaware of the implications of singlehood. Er, maybe the title of the article, "Season of Isolation" coulda tipped him off? But I digress.

Lisa , 8/23/2007 10:05:00 PM on the other hand makes a lot of sense. She writes, "While I have not gone this route (intermarrying) yet, the fate seems inevitable." How such a level-headed girl got through Big Aish's censors is anyone's guess!

To be continued.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

I found another oldie but goodie!

Saturday, August 18, 2007

*
Well, we've broken into double digits on comments to a post! Sure, one could put an asterisk next to the record, as Yours Truly contributed more than his fair share, but hey, in this, the season of Barry Bonds, records are made to be questioned. In any event, I'm proud of this accomplishment, and thankful to you, my fellow Assimilaishionists, for helping the blog reach this milestone. I'm also humbled, that this Blog seems to have struck a nerve, both in the JBlogosphere and, to a lesser but still real extent, at Aish itself. And so, humbled, I turn to you, dear readers, for guidance in how to proceed. Please continue to post comments, but remember to keep proper names to a minimum. Also, if you come across a news item that deals with the outreach community, please feel free to send it along. Finally, if you have ideas as to how to make this blog better, and reach out to more people, please let me know. I am always interested in linking to more blogs, and thus increasing the readership of this one.With fondness and gratitude,The Anti-Aish
Posted by anti-aish at 9:48 PM 0 comments

Salvaging more comments!

tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-48763748735405313362007-08-17T13:04:20.372-07:00anti-aishBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876374873540531336.post-20507818656252030402007-08-14T19:05:00.000-07:002007-08-14T19:08:01.787-07:00Excellent question/point brought up by frum jew in recovery in his comment to my "headline: "Duh"" post, although on closer scrutiny, I am not sure exactly how valid it is. What I mean is, I don't hold myself out as a giant of the spirit. My experiences were painful, and when I tried to contact Aish in New York and in Jerusalem to alert them to what was going on (or not going on, as the case may be), it was made very clear to me that they couldn't care less, so long as the money keeps rolling in from the secular types who are trying to assuage their "Jewish guilt" with donations to an organization that promulgates an idealized version of their grandparents' Judaism.

That said, a pet peeve of mine is those whose criticism lacks a constructive element. Thus, I will take a stab at my spiritual prescription, though I fear the results will be woefully inadequate.
What I would like to see is Aish advocate a spiritual Judaism, one that is as open-minded as they claim to be. While I respect that as a halachic organization they are constrained to some extent in what they can do, I still think there exists much room for creativity. For instance, the Jewish calendar is replete with outreach opportunities. It seems that every other month along comes a holiday that lends itself to outreach. Thus, apple-picking for Rosh haShanna, costume parties for Purim, and ice cream socials for Shavuos spring to mind. I can only speak from my experience, but whenever ideas such as this were offered to Aish, they tended to be rejected as being too "Chabad-like," whatever that means. But people who sit in an office all day rarely get enthused about sitting in a class room for a lecture that evening, so is it any surprise that sometimes I would be the only person attending an Aish class? And further, is it any wonder that if I were one of only a few people at such events, I, and others like me, could go years languishing at Aish without meeting anyone suitable for marriage?anti-aishtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876374873540531336.post-71911429033887783182007-08-13T09:26:00.000-07:002007-08-13T09:32:03.752-07:00Well, a St. Louis ultra-Orthodox rabbi gets quoted about inter-marriage! Is he from Aish? LOL! How about the Kollel? Nah, all of those "rabbis" are still hitting the ground running. He's Heshy Novack from Chabad. Man, I really hitched my Jewish horse to the wrong St. Louis wagon. Anyways, read it and weep.

http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=JPost%2FJPArticle%2FShowFull&cid=1186066407261

Hat tip to the Toddster!anti-aishtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876374873540531336.post-17990254192342524302007-08-12T04:03:00.001-07:002007-08-12T04:10:22.126-07:00I try to print all comments, regardless of their point of view. Who knows. maybe someone who disagrees with me can convince me that I am wrong? That being said, I would ask that commentors refrain from using proper names of Aish "rabbis" and others in their posts. It is easy enough for those so inclined to figure out who does what at Aish. I am trying to focus on the institutional issues at the organization, and not get bogged down into petty personal disagreements.

Remember, if we are trying to change Aish (and I have anecdotal evidence that suggests we already have gotten their attention!), we need to focus on the issues, and not the people. That is my opinion at least, and as always, I'd love to hear other wiews. Just please try to keep names out of it, as much as is pracical:)anti-aishtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876374873540531336.post-3123035512582553162007-08-09T15:05:00.000-07:002007-08-09T15:13:19.136-07:00Got a great comment from an anonymous out there. (Guys, can you pick a name so I can give credit?) He talks about one of the Aish "rabbis" bringing in a cool quarter mil for the year. He got that information from Charity Navigator, which awarded zero (count 'em, zero) stars to Aish's Jerusalem Fellowships. Your tzeddakah dollars at work, folks.

In an only tangentially related matter, I linked this blog to Aish's wikipedia page twice, as did a friend. All three times, the link was quickly removed. But don't get discouraged, everyone. If they're trying to censor us like a Zoo Rabbi book, it must mean we're getting under their skin!anti-aishtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876374873540531336.post-30177608613916310862007-08-07T07:50:00.000-07:002007-08-07T08:09:28.297-07:00I've gotten a lot of great comments on this blog; please keep them coming! Eventually, I hope to reach out to more j-bloggers, in an effort to really shine a light on the issues that this blog deals with, but then can only happen with the great constructive criticism that I've been receiving.

One comment I got really started me thinking. Basically, the guy asked, "what about speed dating?" Speed dating, indeed. The Aish creation that has caused more Aish rabbis to need rotator cuff surgery from trying to pat themselves on the back.

The truth is I really don't know what ever became of the idea. The Kvetcher heard a rumor that certain big right-wing rabbis opposed the idea. At this point, I haven't been able to confirm that, but it makes sense that something happened to change the organization around so quickly. For instance, the latest article on Aish's web site http://www.aish.com/jewishissues/jewishsociety/Intermarriage_and_the_N.Y._Times.asp has 143 comments posted to it. (I am jealous!) Meantime, their Speed Dating web site lists all of one upcoming event! http://www.speeddating.com/ That's a disconnect too large for even Aish to ignore, so maybe the Kvetcher is right, or perhaps there just wasn't a lot of money in speed dating, which is after all the unifying motivator of that organization.anti-aishtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876374873540531336.post-37939203128794432862007-08-06T05:22:00.000-07:002007-08-06T05:36:41.646-07:00I'm also anti-community kollel! Fortunately for both my bank account and myself, I didn't spend as much on them as I did on Aish. Nevertheless, when I went there seeking help, before realizing that most of Orthodox outreach consists of schnorrers reaching out to put their grubby hands in my wallet, the "rabbi" there promised to "hit the ground running" to solve the problem not just for me, but for the other men in the same situation. Apparently the ground hit back.

Below is an e-mail correspondence to help illustrate my point. All names have been removed to protect the (not-so) innocent. Seriously, people, St. Louis needs help!

Thank you for thinking of me during your fundraising drive. I must admit I was surprised to see your organization looking for hand outs, as I know one of your outreach rabbi, ### ####, recently vacationed for eight weeks during a four month period. I would have thought that if the Kollel needed funds it might have given him "only" a month's vacation, so that he could use the other four weeks for, um, oh I don't know, OUTREACH, as that, I think, would probably lead to fundraising opportunities. It seemed especially egregious when he took a full month off the day after he had a young professional's event at which four, count 'em four, people attended. Memo to ###: four people attending is not an event; it's lunch at a neighborhood diner. But i guess thats why you guys are the rabbis, and I'm just a poor working stiff.
In any event, I will show your request the same consideration that ### showed me during our last conversation (when he hung up on me).
Wishing the kollel a prosperous new year,
####### ####
Dear Friends,
It would be difficult to imagine St. Louis without the Kollel. For the past twenty years our fabulous team of dynamic Rabbis has blessed us with their warmth, guidance, and knowledge. Over the past two years the Kollel has brought itself to a new level. We now have 17 staff members serving the community. Our programs and our popularity are constantly increasing. In order to continue in our great work we need your help! Once a year we turn to the broader community to assist us in our endeavors. Please read the attached flyer and respond generously so that we may continue to serve you for many years to come.
Rabbi ######## ########
Executive Directoranti-aishtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876374873540531336.post-37647485997098281142007-08-06T04:03:00.000-07:002007-08-06T04:21:32.157-07:00First off, Ahavah and Tsvi, welcome to my blog! I want to thank both of you for taking the time to visit. We are new, so any ideas you have to make it better would be greatly appreciated. Also, feel free to post our link on your blog, as we are trying to get the word out about us. And as you can hopefully tell, I try to be friendly to all, regardless of their opinions, so to everyone else out in the blogosphere, please feel free to join the discussion.

Now, with the preliminaries out of the way, allow me to say I don't think I made myself entirely clear in the post. My problem isn't so much that the Aish rabbis didn't make their own daughters available, as it is that they viewed outreach as beneath them. Whenever we came up with ideas to attract new folks, they were denigrated as being too "Chabad-like." And I'm not talking about anything over the top, like proclaiming Reb Noach the messiah or anything. Just maybe a costume party on Purim, or anything to get new folks through the door.

Without doing any outreach, there were no females for us to meet, and yet the rabbis were shocked when guys started inter-dating! What were we supposed to do? Most secular guys (and that is to whom outreach should be directed right?) aren't going to happily grow old and die alone, because that's G-d's will. We are going to proactively seek alternatives to address the situation.anti-aishtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876374873540531336.post-76794373549624169532007-08-03T12:44:00.001-07:002007-08-03T12:44:41.107-07:00Okay, so Mr. Feldman made his choice. As an "educated Jew" he knew exactly what he was choosing. He can be self-satisfied in his indignance but that changes nothing. And those who defend him or are indignant at the reaction can be self-satisfied as well. Then there is the Jewish community. They did the righteous thing and ostracized Feldman and his wife. Then they sit back self-satisfied that they did what they had to do to protect the Jewish people. Well did they? Really? Who in the Jewish community is responsible to make sure things like this don't happen in the first place? Answer: All of us, but especially the "leaders". If the leaders (rabbinic and lay) did what they were supposed to, this wouldn't ever happen. Can they really be self-satisfied knowing that over the past 10 generations or so, the vast majority of Jews (90%?) have left Orthodoxy behind and the majority of them have all but left Judaism entirely including via inter-marriage. Congratulations! You should really feel self-satisfied. Great Job! Who in the professional world could keep their job with a 90% failure rate? Name a doctor you'd go to with 10% survival rate or a lawyer who wins 10% of his cases. To give a personal example... I grew up reform. I exclusively dated goyim since college. It's only via slow evolution entirely on my own and with the example of brother intermarryng, that I came to the conclusion, with out any real reason to back me up, that I should marry Jewish. This was lucky because if I had met the right shiksa, I'd have been married long ago. I had never even heard of Aish or any other kiruv organization. The closest brush I had was during college a couple of chasidim tried to get me to put on tefillin. I thought they were nuts, having never heard of tefillin. Notice they didn't ask me anything about me, other than if I was Jewish, nor about my experience, nor did they try to create any personal connection or impart any knowledge. Another failure. So a few years ago I sought out my local Aish chapter and now I've learned quite a bit, but often am the only single person in the class without an AARP card. I don't consider this success. What Jew am I supposed to marry?
So those who want to argue in a self-satisfied way one side or the other of the debate about Feldman but don't actually want to do anything that will really help the situation (not "try" but actually have an impact) are to me just part of the problem. That includes the kind hosts of this site.
If you don't find a way to actively engage Jews in a way that makes them care about their personal future as a Jew (not the impersonal problem of Jewish continuity), then Mr. Feldman is just another of the 90% lost or the parents of the lost on the way to 99.9%. So far I've seen nothing from any organization or leader that could actually be called success. Yet they all seem very satisfied.anti-aishtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876374873540531336.post-1806103449517985942007-08-03T10:39:00.000-07:002007-08-03T10:46:35.780-07:00So the OU wants the Times to apologize, eh? http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/news/General+News/9175/OU+Slams+NY+Times+For+Publishing+False+Statements.html
Well, maybe it's time Orthodox institutions apologize, too. How about Aish haTorah for starters? Seven years of my life I spend with that organization, and when I ask for help finding a shidduch, they suggest women two decades my senior! When I complain, they charge I am being superficial, but when female Aishers say I'm not good-looking enough for them, that I have to accept as being their legitimate choice!
Mazel tov to Noah for marrying a cute shiksa. I plan to soon follow in his illustrious footsteps!anti-aishtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876374873540531336.post-71825151941620565932007-07-30T20:21:00.000-07:002007-07-30T20:23:38.742-07:00My response to http://theantitzemach.blogspot.com/2007/07/review-from-ashes.html. Boy, Aish is really making friends and influencing people!

And let's not just compare the amount of good each group does. As pointed out by others, Chabad by dint of its enormity alone does more good than Aish. But in the bad areas: Chabad just tries to increase mitzvas in the world; Aish makes spiritual growth feel like getting sold a used car.anti-aishtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876374873540531336.post-74810120600004754492007-07-30T13:10:00.000-07:002007-07-30T13:16:48.598-07:00Introducing a man almost as smart as Yours Truly, and some of his insights to Aish.com! These are comments he made in response to"Rabbi" Soloman's dating approach of "taking one for the team," in other words marrying Jewish, all other considerations be damned. See http://www.aish.com/jewishissues/jewishsociety/So_What_if_Shes_Older_than_Me$.asp

Todd , 9/21/2006 12:28:00 AMMaturityI'm a man and I admit that even a woman 10 years younger can add maturity to a relationship.While an older woman may have many great qualities and even advantages over a younger woman (other things being equal), a transcendantly brilliant man taught me somehting very simple, true and immutable: attraction is not a choice.

Todd , 9/13/2006 12:24:00 PMHere in the non-Orthodox world...Dear Rabbi Solomon,I have enjoyed your discovery presentations in the past, but take exception to the above article. It may be appropriate for people in their early 20's, but judging from the comments, it is being taken as a general recomendation for all ages. Based on current statistics, young people marrying jewish at an early age these days are likely Orthodox. I look to Aish to speak to the needs and issues related to people like me, who have recently returned to learn about Judaism and become convinced that I should find a Jewish wife. However, as a man of 40, I have found this return to be a blessing and a curse. I find in my involvement with my local (St. Louis) Aish Hatorah and other such organizations, a general failure to involve women around my age, much less younger.Unfortunately, I am only interested in dating a woman I find attractive (generally they're several years younger), as well as kind hearted, honest, loyal, etc. HaShem has given me those preferences and I don't plan to spend the next several years trying to change them. That would neither be fair to me, or the woman to whom I would have to try to be attracted. And of course, after finding the right woman, I would like to have a family. Following your advice, I and my menopausal bride would likely not have children or our own (or worse given the exponentially increased rate of birth defects for older parents).I feel sorry, for some of the women who wrote in, happy for the ones who found marriage to younger men who no doubt will appreciate the full attention of the older woman with no small children to get in the way of their needs.

Todd , 9/12/2006 3:49:00 PMDate a 26 year old? sure!When I was 24, I had no problem dating a woman of 26. And at 40, I still don't. 42? Nope. I am only interested in dating a woman I find attractive (generally they're several years younger). HaShem has given me those preferences and I don't plan to spend the next several years trying to change them. That would neither be fair to me, or the woman to whom I would have to try to be attracted.anti-aishtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876374873540531336.post-49117077341559278942007-07-30T12:51:00.000-07:002007-07-30T12:53:11.259-07:00Widening your field of opportunities can make a big difference. Great piece of Talmudic logic there! And if all 2006 grads were willing to be garbage collectors, the class would have a 100% employment rate. See http://www.aish.com/jewishissues/jewishsociety/So_What_if_Shes_Older_than_Me$.aspanti-aishtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876374873540531336.post-15525373198078618702007-07-30T12:45:00.000-07:002007-07-30T12:46:01.408-07:00Another installment of Aish hypocrisy! Just out of curiosity, what ever hapened to speed dating? I spent 7 wasted years in my local Aish, hoping and praying that they would help me find a Jewish girl, and not one effort was made for either my friends or for me. How can you then feign surprise when guys end up dating shiksas?PS. I doubt you'll print this. It's OK though, as I plan to elaborate more on these points at my new blog. The blogosphere is great, isn't it? The world's great leveller. See http://www.aish.com/jewishissues/jewishsociety/Intermarriage_and_the_N.Y._Times.aspanti-aishtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876374873540531336.post-13530371217055684402007-07-29T18:26:00.000-07:002007-07-29T18:33:13.844-07:00Aish is making more enemies. See http://theantitzemach.blogspot.com/2007/07/aish-wants-you.html. Here are a few of my comments:

My problem with Aish haTorah is that they engage in incessant fundraising, and offer few services to those to whom they claim to reach out.

Hirshel, they said the Chabad rabbis would brainwash us, and that they didn't practice real Judaism. Camp, your point is well taken. To Aish, outreach is big business, as schnorring is easier than going out and working for a living. But as an idealistic novice, I would have thought both groups were on the same team. Silly me.

Thanks for your empathy, Camp. I understand outreach is big business for lots of groups, and I think that that is generally a good thing. One difference I have seen, and I should stress that this sampling is far too small to be scientific, as it includes myself and a small circle of spiritually-seeking friends, is that Chabad helps Jews because they are Jews and Aish helps Jews because there might be a big pay-off at the other end. Of course, my friends and I may have just had bad experiences with Aish rabbis, and good ones with Chabad ones...

All I can tell you guys is that I am not affilliated with either group. In fact, I am a spiritual seeker who has not yet had the ability to become religious for various reasons. Without getting into the relevant merits of either movement, because quite frankly I am unqualified to do that, I can say that for my friends and I, Aish acted manipulatively and served as a turn-off to Judaism, while Chabad acted in the opposite way. Of course, these are generalizations, but like all good ones, they are by and large, accurate.

anon 11:55. I can find people who say anything about anything, which neither proves nor disproves my point. What I wrote of though is not what I heard, but what happened to me. And while I could try to get a larger sampling of Aish rabbis, I have neither the time nor the inclination to compound bad experiences with more of the same. I will say this, though: I hardly consider a metropolitan area of more than two and a half million people to be small. It's out-of-town status, while incontrovertible, didn't seem to hamper the Chabad rabbis in the same locale.anti-aishtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876374873540531336.post-77682135093383174342007-07-29T18:13:00.000-07:002007-07-29T18:15:10.732-07:00Is Aish an outreach organization? I'm sorry Anonymous, but while your ideals might work in Williamsburg, Aish claims to be an outreach organization. As such, it is entirely unrealistic to expect people from the secular world to just ignore decades of their socialization, and start looking for inner beauty. I'm not saying that Aish can't persuade singles to look at other characteristics, but ignoring the reality of where your target audience is coming from seems to me to be a sure way to turn people off to Judaism. See http://www.aish.com/dating/wisdom/Top_10_Dating_Myths.aspanti-aishtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876374873540531336.post-80881161818676205212007-07-29T17:55:00.000-07:002007-07-29T18:00:50.857-07:00Well, it's been a while (actually more than half a year!) but I'm back, and fueled by anger at the depths of hypocrisy to which Aish has sank, I hope to transform this blog into a tool to prod Aish to change. Truth be told, a few members of the anti-Aish community have been posting on other blogs, and I will try to bring their insights to you.anti-aishtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4876374873540531336.post-42357800900928584152007-01-09T16:21:00.000-08:002007-01-09T17:05:24.764-08:00Here's one post to aish. com that was censored. It was in response to http://www.aish.com/jewishissues/jewishsociety/Fighting_Assimilation.asp. Enjoy. Dear Miriam,
Please don't tell Todd to not give up: a man needs to know when to cut his losses. You have no idea what he went through as a Jewish single in St. Louis; I do. I moved out to St. Louis eight years ago, and started going to Aish events. I found the classes fascinating, but there was NO effort to help Jewish singles find each other. In fact, one time when I complained about this, the assistant "rabbi" told me that Aish is not a match-making organization. So what are we supposed to do? As much as I love Yiddishkeit, if Aish is presenting us with a Hobson's choice between a shiksa and growing old alone, I'm going to choose my shiksa girlfriend every time.
And I don't think a long-distance relationship is promising. Look, St. Louis is a major American city. Maybe if I were in a small town I'd consider it. As far as JDate is concerned, I donated to Aish. If they had done what they claim to do when they come looking for hand-outs, additional expenditures should be unnecessary.
Don't get me wrong; this is a sad state of affairs, but so many of us tried to convince Aish- St. Louis to engage in outreach I honestly don't know what can be done. The classes are great, but on more than one occasion, I was the ONLY student there! And when we made suggestions to attract more people, such as fun-filled holiday events (think about it, the Jewish calendar is replete with kiruv opportunities), they were rejected as being too Chabad-like, whatever that means.
Unaffiliated Jews marrying out is sad; but Jews who are committed enough to attend Aish's wonderful classes for years marrying out because they see quite clearly that the alternative is living a lonely life is nothing short of tragic.

Like they say, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!anti-aish

Salvaging Comments

To the person who sent me comments not for publication, Thank you! I would love to get in touch with you, but the e-mail address that you provided is inaccurate. I've got it! I reset the settings so that I have to look at all comments that come in. (I edited one because it used a proper name which I would prefer to avoid). So if you, or anyone for that matter, wants to get a hold of me, just post a comment, and put at the top that you don't want it actually posted. That should work. Admittedly, there must be a more elegant way for folks to get ahold of me, but, as the Luddite that I am, I have yet to find it. If anyone in the blogosphere knows of it, please do share. On another note, what do you think of the blog so far? Obviously, I'm a newbie at this, but I for one really feel that we are having some affect. The link to my blog on Wikipedia keeps getting taken down, so some Aisher must be feeling the truth hitting a little too close to home. As always, though, I appreciate any advice you or anyone else has to make this blog better, and I am always interested in appropriate guest postings, as well. still waiting for a way to contact you without a post.Aish is bad

Restoring us to our former grandeur

Anti -aish here. Welcome back to our blog. Proving that two heads are better than one, I've teamed up with the Assimilaishionist (Ass for short?) We've lost some content which I will try to restore shortly. The important thing is that due to the outpouring of our readers, we are ready to take the fight to Aish, and make them answer for their actions, and more damningly, for their inactions. Here are some of the previous posts we've saved for your perusal. Prepare to be Assimilaishionated!

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Toward a better Aish
Excellent question/point brought up by frum jew in recovery in his comment to my "headline: "Duh"" post, although on closer scrutiny, I am not sure exactly how valid it is. What I mean is, I don't hold myself out as a giant of the spirit. My experiences were painful, and when I tried to contact Aish in New York and in Jerusalem to alert them to what was going on (or not going on, as the case may be), it was made very clear to me that they couldn't care less, so long as the money keeps rolling in from the secular types who are trying to assuage their "Jewish guilt" with donations to an organization that promulgates an idealized version of their grandparents' Judaism.That said, a pet peeve of mine is those whose criticism lacks a constructive element. Thus, I will take a stab at my spiritual prescription, though I fear the results will be woefully inadequate.What I would like to see is Aish advocate a spiritual Judaism, one that is as open-minded as they claim to be. While I respect that as a halachic organization they are constrained to some extent in what they can do, I still think there exists much room for creativity. For instance, the Jewish calendar is replete with outreach opportunities. It seems that every other month along comes a holiday that lends itself to outreach. Thus, apple-picking for Rosh haShanna, costume parties for Purim, and ice cream socials for Shavuos spring to mind. I can only speak from my experience, but whenever ideas such as this were offered to Aish, they tended to be rejected as being too "Chabad-like," whatever that means. But people who sit in an office all day rarely get enthused about sitting in a class room for a lecture that evening, so is it any surprise that sometimes I would be the only person attending an Aish class? And further, is it any wonder that if I were one of only a few people at such events, I, and others like me, could go years languishing at Aish without meeting anyone suitable for marriage?
Posted by anti-aish at 7:05 PM 11 comments
Monday, August 13, 2007

Headline: "Duh"
Well, a St. Louis ultra-Orthodox rabbi gets quoted about inter-marriage! Is he from Aish? LOL! How about the Kollel? Nah, all of those "rabbis" are still hitting the ground running. He's Heshy Novack from Chabad. Man, I really hitched my Jewish horse to the wrong St. Louis wagon. Anyways, read it and weep.http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=JPost%2FJPArticle%2FShowFull&cid=1186066407261Hat tip to the Toddster!
Posted by anti-aish at 9:26 AM 1 comments
Sunday, August 12, 2007

On Comments...
I try to print all comments, regardless of their point of view. Who knows. maybe someone who disagrees with me can convince me that I am wrong? That being said, I would ask that commentors refrain from using proper names of Aish "rabbis" and others in their posts. It is easy enough for those so inclined to figure out who does what at Aish. I am trying to focus on the institutional issues at the organization, and not get bogged down into petty personal disagreements.Remember, if we are trying to change Aish (and I have anecdotal evidence that suggests we already have gotten their attention!), we need to focus on the issues, and not the people. That is my opinion at least, and as always, I'd love to hear other wiews. Just please try to keep names out of it, as much as is pracical:)
Posted by anti-aish at 4:03 AM 3 comments
Thursday, August 9, 2007

Charity Navigator
Got a great comment from an anonymous out there. (Guys, can you pick a name so I can give credit?) He talks about one of the Aish "rabbis" bringing in a cool quarter mil for the year. He got that information from Charity Navigator, which awarded zero (count 'em, zero) stars to Aish's Jerusalem Fellowships. Your tzeddakah dollars at work, folks.In an only tangentially related matter, I linked this blog to Aish's wikipedia page twice, as did a friend. All three times, the link was quickly removed. But don't get discouraged, everyone. If they're trying to censor us like a Zoo Rabbi book, it must mean we're getting under their skin!
Posted by anti-aish at 3:05 PM 9 comments
Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Where oh where, art thou Speed Dating?
I've gotten a lot of great comments on this blog; please keep them coming! Eventually, I hope to reach out to more j-bloggers, in an effort to really shine a light on the issues that this blog deals with, but then can only happen with the great constructive criticism that I've been receiving.One comment I got really started me thinking. Basically, the guy asked, "what about speed dating?" Speed dating, indeed. The Aish creation that has caused more Aish rabbis to need rotator cuff surgery from trying to pat themselves on the back.The truth is I really don't know what ever became of the idea. The Kvetcher heard a rumor that certain big right-wing rabbis opposed the idea. At this point, I haven't been able to confirm that, but it makes sense that something happened to change the organization around so quickly. For instance, the latest article on Aish's web site http://www.aish.com/jewishissues/jewishsociety/Intermarriage_and_the_N.Y._Times.asp has 143 comments posted to it. (I am jealous!) Meantime, their Speed Dating web site lists all of one upcoming event! http://www.speeddating.com/ That's a disconnect too large for even Aish to ignore, so maybe the Kvetcher is right, or perhaps there just wasn't a lot of money in speed dating, which is after all the unifying motivator of that organization.
Posted by anti-aish at 7:50 AM 1 comments
Monday, August 6, 2007

Just so you don't think I am only anti-Aish...
I'm also anti-community kollel! Fortunately for both my bank account and myself, I didn't spend as much on them as I did on Aish. Nevertheless, when I went there seeking help, before realizing that most of Orthodox outreach consists of schnorrers reaching out to put their grubby hands in my wallet, the "rabbi" there promised to "hit the ground running" to solve the problem not just for me, but for the other men in the same situation. Apparently the ground hit back. Below is an e-mail correspondence to help illustrate my point. All names have been removed to protect the (not-so) innocent. Seriously, people, St. Louis needs help!Thank you for thinking of me during your fundraising drive. I must admit I was surprised to see your organization looking for hand outs, as I know one of your outreach rabbi, ### ####, recently vacationed for eight weeks during a four month period. I would have thought that if the Kollel needed funds it might have given him "only" a month's vacation, so that he could use the other four weeks for, um, oh I don't know, OUTREACH, as that, I think, would probably lead to fundraising opportunities. It seemed especially egregious when he took a full month off the day after he had a young professional's event at which four, count 'em four, people attended. Memo to ###: four people attending is not an event; it's lunch at a neighborhood diner. But i guess thats why you guys are the rabbis, and I'm just a poor working stiff.In any event, I will show your request the same consideration that ### showed me during our last conversation (when he hung up on me).Wishing the kollel a prosperous new year,####### ####Dear Friends,It would be difficult to imagine St. Louis without the Kollel. For the past twenty years our fabulous team of dynamic Rabbis has blessed us with their warmth, guidance, and knowledge. Over the past two years the Kollel has brought itself to a new level. We now have 17 staff members serving the community. Our programs and our popularity are constantly increasing. In order to continue in our great work we need your help! Once a year we turn to the broader community to assist us in our endeavors. Please read the attached flyer and respond generously so that we may continue to serve you for many years to come.Rabbi ######## ########Executive Director
Posted by anti-aish at 5:22 AM 9 comments

We have comments!
First off, Ahavah and Tsvi, welcome to my blog! I want to thank both of you for taking the time to visit. We are new, so any ideas you have to make it better would be greatly appreciated. Also, feel free to post our link on your blog, as we are trying to get the word out about us. And as you can hopefully tell, I try to be friendly to all, regardless of their opinions, so to everyone else out in the blogosphere, please feel free to join the discussion.Now, with the preliminaries out of the way, allow me to say I don't think I made myself entirely clear in the post. My problem isn't so much that the Aish rabbis didn't make their own daughters available, as it is that they viewed outreach as beneath them. Whenever we came up with ideas to attract new folks, they were denigrated as being too "Chabad-like." And I'm not talking about anything over the top, like proclaiming Reb Noach the messiah or anything. Just maybe a costume party on Purim, or anything to get new folks through the door.Without doing any outreach, there were no females for us to meet, and yet the rabbis were shocked when guys started inter-dating! What were we supposed to do? Most secular guys (and that is to whom outreach should be directed right?) aren't going to happily grow old and die alone, because that's G-d's will. We are going to proactively seek alternatives to address the situation.
Posted by anti-aish at 4:03 AM 2 comments

We're Back!!!

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm the assimilAishionist and I've joined up with Anti-Aish to make AssimilAishion better than ever by throwing in my perspective.

Now's a good time to reiterate our mission: its become quite clear that the outreach that Aish is most concerned about is when they reach out to our wallets looking for cash. Its now time to hold their feet to the fire and demand some actual outreach to Jews who are distanced from Judaism. They say its urgent; we agree. But where's the actual outreach? All we see is a bunch of classes full of mostly empty chairs a few retirees and a single guy or two, and a website dedicated to making those single guys committed enough to marry Jewish feel obligated to "take one for the team."

So fellow travelers, what's your experience? Has Aish delivered or let you down? Comments are always appreciated.

Prepare to be AssimilAishionated!

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